This is going to be a relatively short post, but one I really felt I needed to write and talk about. Around about Easter time, I was on a night out with my university halls friends, and in both of our drunken states, I kissed one of my friends. For all intents and purposes, and for him, I will refer to him simply as Mr. Field. So, little did I know that this was something Mr. Field had wanted to happen for a while, and neither did I know that it would have such a lasting effect on him. I had no idea how much it would hurt him to wake up the next morning and realise that I wasn’t interested in starting anything serious with him. I also had no idea that I would wake up a few mornings later to discover that he had only just broken a secret relationship off with someone else living in our halls. So, you can imagine the dilemma. I didn’t know the ins and outs of their situation, and in fairness, I don’t think he did either, so it made both of our positions very difficult to define. Though from what I learned later, it seemed like they never properly broke up.
I didn’t know if I counted as the mistress, or the rebound, or the temptation, but I knew that it meant that he was torn between his admitted desire for me and his loyalty and devotion to the other girl. Only today did he really tell me his true feelings and thoughts about me, and I can honestly say that I have never heard someone speak more honestly, genuinely, or with such vulnerability. The amount of courage it took to admit everything is astounding, and I really want to applaud him for doing it, knowing the fear that boys and men alike have of being rejected. And yet, that is exactly what I did. I told him that I didn’t feel that way and that I only wanted to be friends, but I knew that because we got on well, we could have a really incredible friendship.
He absolutely took this information in his stride and did nothing but support my point and add to. Mr. Field realised that this meant he could still get to know me whilst remaining loyal to his girl, and that it gave him a bit more time to think about everything. I’m not saying that he’s handling his situation in the best of ways, but what I am saying is that he has taken leaps and bounds today being honest and exposing himself.
Men, boys, anyone who has something they need to say, please do say it. It doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow or in an incredibly dramatic matter, but there are too many thoughts that go unvoiced, too many emotions that go unexpressed, and too many ‘what ifs’ that remain unknown. It’s a big world ladies and gentlemen, but someone, somewhere, will listen. And someone, somewhere, will care. And eventually, when you lay enough of yourself down, someone, somewhere, will feel the same way about you. Be honest with your lovers, your friends, but most importantly, yourself.