Wow, it’s been a while since I was last here. Lots to catch up on!
Firstly, you can see that this is my first post in the category ‘Chapter 2’. Now, why is this? Well, a lot has happened since I first started this blog, and as cheesy as it may sound, I think I’ve grown a lot since then, so much so that I actually feel like a different writer typing this post. A lot of personal things have happened, which have challenged me a lot as a person, a female, and also someone living away from home.
I recently got out of a very controlling relationship which taught me a lot about what I expect out of a relationship, a boyfriend, and most importantly, what to expect of myself. Unfortunately, my ex had such a tight grasp around who I was that I didn’t even notice how much I was changing and how differently I was acting until one day I finally woke up and realised what he had done. Even my mother said I seemed more myself after I had decided to break up with him. It’s crazy how much you can’t realise how much of a hold someone has over you. The more and more I think about that relationship, the more angry I get at myself because I allowed myself to be in it for so long, and it was just so toxic.
But I’m not here to talk about him. I’m here to talk about the relationship that I’m currently in. One that I cannot actually make you understand because I don’t even know how to describe or explain it myself. All I can say is that I am never happier than when I’m with him. We met out of absolute chance, and I am so very grateful for that coincidence. Regardless of whether or not the relationship lasts, he is someone who I want to know forever. He is free spirited and kind and adventurous and funny and cultured and intelligent and to this day I cannot think of a single flaw about him (biased, of course). He also has the most golden smile and laughter that just makes me melt when I’m around him. Whenever I leave his side, it feels like an eternity until I see him again. And now, unfortunately, I won’t see him until September.
Don’t get me wrong, I like a lot of things about this boy because of who he is, but I like him more for the way he makes me feel. Having grown up with a lot of confidence issues and mental struggles, I cannot even begin to tell you how incredible it feels to talk to and laugh with and spend time with someone who makes you feel like you are 100% pure. Right down to the core. Every time I laugh with him, I feel cured, like all the problems I struggle with shrink a little bit more every time. It’s infectious, it really is. He is truly a remarkable person, and I think that I am so lucky to have even met him.
But like I said, long-distance. We went into our long distance relationship with barely any time as a couple beforehand, so we don’t have many months at all behind us, which makes me nervous and it makes him nervous. But that’s what you do when you’re in your twenties, right? You take risks. You put your heart on the line. And you trust that this thing you have, whatever this thing may be, will be enough to get you through the time apart. So far it’s been two weeks, and it sucks. It really does. BUT, that is what I signed up for. I knew there would be this wait to see him and hug him and kiss him, I knew that. I just wasn’t expecting it to hurt this much. But, there you have it. It is what it is, a challenge, a test, but one so worth taking.